"You never stop growing and advancing because you won't let yourself"...Nope I won't, and I hope that's enough.

Tonight the words won't come from me, but none the less they were exactly what I needed to hear, what anyone would need to hear. (and a little soundtrack to go along: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLNyVLbqdEg&NR=1)

"You are completely capable. Of all the people I have known, you are still the one that never stops amazing me. You never stop growing and advancing because you wont let yourself. I know you can do anything you put your mind to because I know you better than most people. I’ve seen your determination and passion for things you want to accomplish. You have so many qualities that so few people actually possess these days. I am so confident in your ability to accomplish anything your heart desires, but that doesn’t change anything. As confident as I am in you, you're the one who needs the confidence in your self. You’re more capable of achieving great things and you have such a selfless, full commitment of self, to anything that attracts your heart. I see that in how passionate you are about IC, passion for your friends and family, your work and activities, and even our relationship. You never stop giving yourself and pushing to make the things and people around you better. And no matter how much I say about how wonderful and perfect you are, I know that everything comes down to that self-confidence. You have all the tools and the spirit to do great things but I feel like sometimes you don’t think they are enough. Honestly, a lot of times I am more confident in you than in myself. I wish I could be as capable and selfless as you. And when I think about where you might be in ten years, I cant come up with a single, solid idea of what you will be doing. Not because you can't go where you want to go, but because there are so many possibilities for a person like you. Time and patience is all you need for now because you have everything else you need, and don’t lose sleep over these things. You’ll need all the rest you can get when you're taking on the world, babe."

Thank you Kory. I needed that : )  Now I can sleep.

My last post as freshman at Marist

So this is my last blog as a freshman.  I'm packing to go home.  I remember nine months ago I never thought this day would come.  I never thought I'd be coming back next year, I had no clue where I was going.  I never knew I'd grow so much.  I can't wait to go home for summer, and spend time with my family, but I am going to miss Sheahan hall, rooming with Chanel, seeing my crazy neighbors and friends just down the hall, and everything about this campus.  I can't wait for my next three years here, I can't wait to see how else I grow.  It's safe to say I have two homes now, and who would have ever known I could make one on my own.

In the words of The Colorful Quiet, "I was never sure in the way my life would go, like many times before it was all that I would know.  I can't really tell you. What would happen if I tried? To admit to myself that a part of me has died."

but a necessary part.

And me, I think I'm getting there.

Jump First. Fear Later.

All year, I have been stressing over where my life is going to take me.  I worried about what would make me happiest.  I worried about life, and the fear of living one away from the life I had always known.  But I no longer am worrying, because my life is no longer about me.  

I have changed so much this year.  I remember talking to my sister at the beginning of this year, and she told me, "Elora, you will change.  And so will your friends." I laughed and said I was not going to change.  I was wrong.  

At the beginning of this year, I felt like going to Marist was the worst thing that had ever happened to me, and all I wanted was to go back to the life I used to have.  But now I can't help but ask myself, how could I ever go back, when my life is moving in the direction it was always meant to.  

So as you may have deduced by now, I have decided to stay.  My long, tiresome, lonely journey through the shadows and valleys of my heart is finally over.  And I feel so relieved.  

Today I finally finished my last speech in my class, so I decided to put on a little TV and relax.  I flipped around and found E! news.  I used to watch this religiously, but for some reason today I couldn't bear it.  I was just about to flip the channel when I heard that they were having a story on the Rescue.  (In case you have not been reading my previous blogs, or don't know me, the Rescue is Invisible Children's event to rescue the 3,000 abducted child soldiers in Northern Uganda, by asking people to gather in cities all over the world and abduct themselves in solidarity to rescue the children.)  I waited in painful agony as stories about "Were the Jonas brothers single? Did Lauren Conrad really make out with a dog? Is Anne Hathaway going to be on dancing with the stars?" filtered across the screen.  Finally the segment on IC came on.  

I can't believe I used to watch this show.  How can anyone really care about that crap!  The world is run by celebrity.  We live, breathe, and hang on their every move and word.  It is driving me crazy! I can't believe I used to care.

This year I've pitied myself.  I've felt so unhappy for so long, but maybe that was just because I cared and worried about all the wrong things.  It was not until recently, when Invisible Children came back into my life, that I stopped concerning myself with myself, and realized what makes me feel fulfilled, and happiest, and what I care about.  

So I am going to stay.  I have great opportunities on the horizon for me here, and I cannot wait to see where everything takes me.  I will no longer worry. I will jump first, and fear later.

Oh, and Chicago was finally rescued by Oprah today.  Watch her show at 4.

Your Beauty is Breathtaking

I just want to take a moment from my homework to share this beautiful sight in front of me.

Here I sit, in the silent calm of the library, in a comfy chair, listening to music, and typing away for my public speaking class.  My feet are resting on the window sill of the floor to ceiling windows that let in the most beautiful view I have ever seen.  How lucky I am to see such beauty every single day. I can't help but wish I was able to share this beautiful, peaceful moment with someone I love.  This spot, in the corner of the library, on the third floor, in this comfy chair, with laptop in hand, and the beautiful Marist campus stretched out before me is one of my favorite places on campus.

Now I will return to my homework, and enjoy watching the sunset over the hudson.

Abduct Yourself!

On April 25th, Invisible Children is asking everyone to go and be a part of the Rescue.  Invisible Children is a non-profit organization dedicated to rescuing the abducted children of Northern Uganda from Joseph Kony's rebel army, the LRA.  These innocent children are taken in the middle of the night, and are forced to fight in a twenty-three year long war.  Please, watch this video, sign up for the Rescue, and be the change you want to see in the world.  Three-thousand children remain un-rescued, and hundreds are abducted by the minute. Help Invisible Children reach their goal of Peace in Uganda.  There are many places in the world where the Rescue is taking place, from Ireland (cough cough molly) to many cities in the United States, so please do your part.

http://therescue.invisiblechildren.com/en/#/watch/

Multi-Sensory Aesthetic Experience

In a small room glowing with christmas lights, and cluttered with bodies, and vintage knick knacks, mae begins to play.  They do not disappoint. 

This weekend was one I will remember forever, for many reasons.  

On friday, Rachel, Courtney and I left the dorms with nothing but our luggage, a three pound bag of gummi bears, and the hopes of hanging out with Mae.  We were told by our friend Matt to take a candle to Mae, and drop his name, and that we were guaranteed to hang out with them.  We were thrilled, and could not wait.  We bought a candle, decorated it, and bought a card because it was dave's (the lead singer) birthday the day before.

         

Courtney Seto and her gummies      The candle we bought (it smelled like apple)

 

  (yea no explanation needed)

We arrived in Waterbury CT around 3:30.  Her mom had ordered us pizza, which has to be the most delicious pizza I have ever had.  We talked with her mom, grandma, and sister.  I felt comfort, it was nice to be at a home, even if it wasn't mine.  

We ate, got ready, and hoped in Rachel's explorer, Ponce De Leon, and drove to The Space.  It was a pretty easy drive, except for that dreaded servoss street.  Google maps said it would be two miles down the road, but it happened to be five.  After a few turn arounds we finally found servoss street, and were even closer to our destination.  We arrived at The Space, and ran inside, away from the rain.  Oh yea and don't worry, the three pound gummi bears came with us...everywhere.

The Space had so much charm, but it was crowded with teeny boppers.  We tried to ignore that fact.  There were three bands that played before Mae.  The first was tired and true.  They were good. Typical local band, but they had the hottest, shortest drummer I have ever seen.  Next was The Ghost Sonata.  Very unique sound, amazing singer, I really enjoyed them, but they are way better in person than on their myspace.  Then Forget Paris came on.  They are really catchy and good.  I like, especially the eye candy of a lead singer.  Sorry Kory.  

Tired and True     The aforementioned drummer

The Ghost Sonata

 

Forget Paris

Then, finally the moment we all were waiting for, Mae took the stage.  I was literally one person away from Dave.  They were amazing, just as good if not better in person.  They played an amazing set.  A good mix of old and new.  They opened with their new song, "the house that fire built," which is basically their mission statement for their new project- 12 songs. 12 months. 1 goal. Make a difference.- in which they are raising money by releasing a new song every month which can be downloaded for one dollar.  Every dollar made will go straight to their fund to build a house for habitat for humanity.  

But what more can I really say.  I wish you all were there.  I'm going to shut up now, and let you listen to some videos (their not much for the eye, but they are nice on the ears, and good for the soul.)

 

 After the show we gave the candle to dave.  He seemed confused at first but then it clicked.  He got side tracked with some fans, we waited patiently, and after most of the place cleared out we got to talk to them.  We took some pictures with mae, oh and rob from tokyo (which is also an amazing band!)

Jacob- drummer from Mae Zack- guitarist from Mae

Dave- lead singer and guitarist of Mae 

oh and rob from Tokyo, who accompanied Mae on the piano.

We left a little bummed that we didn't get to eat dinner with them, but excited that we got to see them, and talk to them in person.  I mean how many chances does anyone have to meet and talk face to face with as big a band as Mae, let alone see them in such an intimate venue.  It was an amazing weekend.  

"Did you know how you would move us, did you know? When the lights first came upon us, and we saw the everglow, and the moments magic swept us away."

-Mae

Oh and guess what? I get to play on the same stage as Mae on june 11!  I'll keep you posted.

Useless progress

www.graphicpoetry.com

What my frustration boils down to:

connections

dreams

musicians

differences

school

I don't know why I'm letting it bother me. You meet amazing people in your life, and then try to pursue a connection. But for some unknown x factor, the connection is not taken to the next level, even though all compatibility points towards "go."  

Whether it be age difference, status difference, lack or proximity, or bad timing, things just don't work out.  

It has always frustrated me to no end...when you know you could be such great friends, such good companions with one person, but for some reason the other person just doesn't see it.  

I find it ironic and intrinsically sad.

How unfortunate it is that you will cross paths with people in your life, that you could have been really close with...but you won't, and your life will never be how you dreamed it could be, and who will ever know what your life could have been.

I'm afraid I'm only making useless progress.

but I'm fighting to move forward...I just don't want my doubts to stand in the way of my dreams.