Jump First. Fear Later.

All year, I have been stressing over where my life is going to take me.  I worried about what would make me happiest.  I worried about life, and the fear of living one away from the life I had always known.  But I no longer am worrying, because my life is no longer about me.  

I have changed so much this year.  I remember talking to my sister at the beginning of this year, and she told me, "Elora, you will change.  And so will your friends." I laughed and said I was not going to change.  I was wrong.  

At the beginning of this year, I felt like going to Marist was the worst thing that had ever happened to me, and all I wanted was to go back to the life I used to have.  But now I can't help but ask myself, how could I ever go back, when my life is moving in the direction it was always meant to.  

So as you may have deduced by now, I have decided to stay.  My long, tiresome, lonely journey through the shadows and valleys of my heart is finally over.  And I feel so relieved.  

Today I finally finished my last speech in my class, so I decided to put on a little TV and relax.  I flipped around and found E! news.  I used to watch this religiously, but for some reason today I couldn't bear it.  I was just about to flip the channel when I heard that they were having a story on the Rescue.  (In case you have not been reading my previous blogs, or don't know me, the Rescue is Invisible Children's event to rescue the 3,000 abducted child soldiers in Northern Uganda, by asking people to gather in cities all over the world and abduct themselves in solidarity to rescue the children.)  I waited in painful agony as stories about "Were the Jonas brothers single? Did Lauren Conrad really make out with a dog? Is Anne Hathaway going to be on dancing with the stars?" filtered across the screen.  Finally the segment on IC came on.  

I can't believe I used to watch this show.  How can anyone really care about that crap!  The world is run by celebrity.  We live, breathe, and hang on their every move and word.  It is driving me crazy! I can't believe I used to care.

This year I've pitied myself.  I've felt so unhappy for so long, but maybe that was just because I cared and worried about all the wrong things.  It was not until recently, when Invisible Children came back into my life, that I stopped concerning myself with myself, and realized what makes me feel fulfilled, and happiest, and what I care about.  

So I am going to stay.  I have great opportunities on the horizon for me here, and I cannot wait to see where everything takes me.  I will no longer worry. I will jump first, and fear later.

Oh, and Chicago was finally rescued by Oprah today.  Watch her show at 4.