This is a no brainer!

Why is my life not my intentions?

How did my life get so off track, so far from the way I had intended.  I look back at all the pictures from last year, and stare at myself smiling back, and I just want to be that girl again, the happy one, with hope.  I saw this year being one of the best years at Marist. I finally felt at home, and content, but now everything is screwed up and disheveled.  

I look at the girl who was happy enough before meeting Rob, then I look at the girl who thought she was on her way to the life she had always wanted after meeting Rob.  I am neither of them now.  I wonder, looking at the me who never knew Rob, and think how simple life was, maybe I can just convince myself that I just have to be that girl again.  But I can't be that girl again, because I am the girl who knew Rob, and was inspired, and complete with my best friend by my side.  

Now I'm at Marist, alone, missing the link that made everything feel alright.  

If we are supposed to control our own realities than how did I do this, how did I mess my reality up so bad.  I envisioned a life with him at Marist.  Not without him.  But instead I was given this.  How did I get here?  How do I get out?  Where do I go?  Why did he go? What the hell am I supposed to do now... 

On my mind.

I'm sitting at the Gartland wall overlooking the river in front of Rob's old house Gartland F1, because this is the only place I can feel the sun.  The day before I turned 19 Rob and I got starbucks and came here.  We sat on the wall and resolved our fight from five days earlier.  For the past couple of days I couldn't figure out why I am so drawn to this spot, other than spending most of the last two months of last year  over here with him.  

I remember now what the fight was about.  It was the first time he told me directly how he felt about me and the first time I was forced to acknowledge my own feelings.  We didn't talk for five days, the longest we had ever gone without talking to each other since we met.  But on May 8 2009 he bought me Starbucks and he took me to this wall and we sat and talked and made up.  

I know why I return here more often than our other haunts.  Here is where he came back to me.  Here is where we found out that we were strongly bonded to each other.  No fight, no distance, no obstacles were going to change this.  I come here now to be with him, to find peace.  I want so bad to feel him around me.  I'm sitting here waiting for him to come back to me.

Remembering Our Friend Robert Stone

(I took this picture. It was the last day I got to see him in person, and the first day he has ever seen the white house.)

http://blog.invisiblechildren.com/?p=2868

Invisible Children, with the help of Rob's friend Rebecca, posted this today on their blog in memory of Rob.

We will keep your legacy alive Rob.  We are doing it, everything you imagined

"You're the one whose dreams can be whatever dreams you want, whose dreams can change the way things are, and the way that things are not."

My friend just showed me this children's book.  It hasn't even made it to stores yet because it keep selling out online.  And I must say I can see why : ) It's pretty AWESOME!

Check it out!

http://www.veryawesomeworld.com/

and read it at

http://www.veryawesomeworld.com/awesomebook/inside.html

Sophomore Year So Far...

I feel like I've been through the whirlwind of a year in the span of a month.  I'm busier than ever-- enrolled in five classes, Research Strategies and Methods, Topics in Biology, Communication and Society, Creative Writing, and Civil Rights Movement. I am a part of Badminton Intramural which I get payed to score the matches, and get priority points to play. I'm still a part of the Dance Club through which I am taking two Hip Hop classes. I'm a member of the Resident Student Council, and also a new praxivist (aka I am part of the public praxis club on campus that works on humanitarian projects). I continue to copy edit for Marist's newspaper The Circle, and am a tentative member of the Booster Club.  Oh did I mention I am officially moving ahead with my plans to begin an Invisible Children Club on campus with the help of my friend Courtney? Yea.  Busy, busy year.  But don't worry mom and dad, I have received my grades so far from my classes and they are all A's and even one A+.  

On top of all the things I have started or accomplished in the duration of a month, I have also met with my advisor and have officially been approved for my double minor in creative writing and photography.  It shouldn't be too bad, I just have to have one semester of 16 credits, and one of 18 credits.  To make things even more hectic I am thinking of adding in study abroad to Greece.  

I have been loving every minute of this year though.  Despite however much I dread Tuesdays and Wednesdays.  

Things are going smoothly in Midrise 407.  My suite mates are a great surrogate family, and we have a few fall activities planned-- Apple picking, hopefully this weekend, the opening ceremony of the new Hudson river walking bridge (the highest and longest walking bridge in the world), pumpkin picking and carving, visiting UConn, haunted house, movies etc.

I'm playing a little hooky tomorrow evening though.  Rachel, Courtney and I are traveling to Toads Place in Connecticut to hear Copeland, Barcelona, and Relient K play.  We can't always be over achievers all the time : P.

I'm running full steam ahead. Hopefully the engine won't run out of fuel.  Everyday I wake up the reminder on my wall stares me in the face-- "You never stop growing and advancing because you won't let yourself."

Classic

Hállo,

I know it's been awhile, and I promise I will update you and try my best to keep a continuous blog now that I am back at Marist, but I felt that this just could not wait.  So here precedes my introductory entry, the most beautiful composition of music that I have heard, that has made me feel in a long time, all without the emotion of a single word.

http://vimeo.com/6045312

The composer, Ólafur Arnalds is a neo-classical composer from iceland who embarked on a project in April 2009, 7 songs in 7 days, which he compiled into an album, 'Found Songs'

Check it out on http://store.erasedtapes.com/main.aspx?gopage=eratp17&x=17

You can buy 'Found Songs' on itunes.

I will right soon.

Love and Peace,

Elora