Big Brother Is Watching Us

www.aclu.org/pizza/

Scary.  Let's hope Obama does not let this happen.

The Fear of apathy, the Love of everything else

www.graphicpoetry.com

Today I woke with fear in my mind, and apathy in my heart.  I'm afraid of my present, and my future.  I realized today of all the work I have to complete, of the essay I still have to write, and the application I still have to fill out.  I realized how apathetic I've been with my school work. And then I realized- what if I fail?  What if I don't write a good enough essay? What if I don't apply soon enough? What if I don't get accepted and I can't transfer?  What if I fail my classes here? What if I never figure it out?

Wake up call: What if all of this worrying I have been doing has been all for nothing, and I don't have a choice?  I stood at the bathroom sink and realized how helpless I feel.  I lost control, and the fear took over.

Does all this mean I care? Yes I do, but I have to find a way out of my apathetic heart, and stop being a bystander in my own life.

I need to wake up, rise above my urge to nap, and apply myself, so that whatever the outcome, I can say I tried to control whatever part of my life I am in control of.

I miss the days of being a child, laying in my bed under the soft light glowing off of my four dark walls, as my mom read my favorite book to me.  I miss the carefree days of spending hours with my sister doing everything, and nothing at the same time.  I miss the hours spent in school with my friends, and the feeling of walking through the doors of my house in the late afternoon, greeted by dogs, by my sister, by my mom and dad.  I miss the lazy summer days, soaking up the sun, and wearing nothing on my feet.  I miss the times when I had all the time to write in the world, and none of the ambition.  I miss those days that seemed to last forever, and would often complain of boredom.  I'd trade anything to return to those days, my past, my years spent in the comfort of my home.  If I could go back and give myself one piece of advice I'd say, "Hold on. What's the rush? Hold on to these moments, once you leave you can't go back."

I'm mainly confused.  I'm partly afraid.  I'm a bit apathetic.  I'm definitely exhausted.  I'm completely nostalgic.  I'm so in love.  I'm sick of growing older.  I'm really homesick.  I'm extremely independent.  I'm starting anew.  I'm two hundred miles away from my support system, but I'm determined to make it through this, even if it is on my own.

This is my battalion of truth...and it is only beginning.

“It couldn't have happened anywhere but in little old New York.”

This past weekend I went with my friend Rachel to New York City.  We met up with her friend Courtney who goes to Fordham in Brooklyn.

I took my first train ride into the city! I honestly don't know why I was so excited but hey now I can say I've traveled by train.  The scenery on the ride was so beautiful, but it was hard to stay awake, one- because I went to bed at four in the morning the night before, and two- because the smooth motion of the train lulled me to sleep.  Here is the pretty view from the train, and Rachel passed out next to me:     

             

We got to grand central and I of course immediately began taking pictures like an obnoxious tourist: 

We pretty much spent the day doing nothing, but that's the best part of New York City, you could spend all day there, do nothing, and never be bored.  

Only in new york city can you go into the subway and have your ears harassed by the sounds of an electric violinist covering britney spears's "Oops I did it again."  Only in New York City can you go to the Met and get in for free, and then get hit on by a middle-aged security guard.  Only in New York City can you see pre-teens obliterated off their asses in grand central station. Only in New York City can a girl survive on fifteen dollars. Only in New York City can you see all races, all social statuses, all ages thriving and surviving as one.  

"The present in New York is so powerful that the past is lost."

Thought:

"Realizing that you have your own problems and issues that only you can solve is half the battle- the other half is being able to have the mental, physical, and emotional will power to change what you need to change to feel good about yourself."