Home is where I want to be...

Oh the unlucky timing of snow.  Everyone here at Marist has wanted snow for weeks now, but finally when the time is most inconvenient it threatens to come.  

Tomorrow the weather channel is calling for 6-14 inches of snow.  I have a final tomorrow at 10:30, which is not so bad because some people have finals at 1, but at this point I just want to go home.  Marist has threatened to postpone finals till saturday.  I am not waiting till saturday to go home...no chance!  I emailed my professor today asking if I could take it today, but he simply replied, "The final will be at its scheduled time tomorrow.  It is not supposed to snow heavily until the afternoon."  Which is true, it is not supposed to snow heavily until 3...but it is supposed to start snowing at 6 in the morning.  And for your information professor, I have a four hour trip home to Delaware >: O

 

I am trying to get done with my final by 11:30, get everything packed by 12, and get out of here before the snow really starts to fall.  I really hope that none of the finals get canceled, I personally don't want to stay till saturday, and I know no one else wants to stay through saturday.

Besides the weather, I am also stressed about this final.  History is proving to be my toughest class.  I wish this was not my last final, because with the promise of going home, and my onset of ADD I can't think or focus, and I am stressing out because I can't seem to formulate the answers to the three possible essay questions he gave us.  My stress has even begun to affect my cooking skills... 

Last night after studying, and freaking out about studying all day and still not knowing anything, I went to make some ramen noodles.  I put the noodles in the bowl, and then the seasoning and put it in the microwave for three minutes.  Notice any step I might have missed?  Yea, me neither...until the microwave started smoking.  I opened it up, noticed the noodles were burnt, ran to the windows and threw them open, rushed out of my room into the one down the hall and called for Chanel's assistance.  Everyone ran in my room, faning the air, holding a bowl over the fire alarm, trying to prevent a mass exodus out of the building.  We succeeded, and it is safe to say I am not public enemy number one.  Phew, close call.  I could not help but laugh at myself, but I felt like such an idiot, considering the day before I had cooked the same meal and did not forget the water.  This stress has taken my mind, and tried to take my room.  There were no flames, just a lot of smoke, and when I grabbed the container out of the microwave I noticed that it had burnt a hole through it.  Mom, I think I need new tupperware for christmas : ).   

Even though my horoscope says, "You're feeling really unprepared for something you have to do today, but your a lot more ready than you think.  Deep breath..."

I have a hard time believing it.  I hope it is right.

Well I should go study, but I have this weird mix of stress and apathy.  My heart is set on going home, and my head is ready to go home, but knows that I still have one final to complete.  It does not help that everyone and their freaking mother is done with finals and is home.  If I see one more facebook status saying "done finals : )" or "home!" I'm going to flip.  My sanity is slipping...

Please pray for a safe trip home for me and my Dad tomorrow, and that I don't completely fail this final.  I can't wait to be back home.

"Hopefully this holiday will make us believe that we're exactly where we're supposed to be..."

I can't give details on this, but so many things have been happening in the past few weeks of december that have made me unsure about what life has in store for me...What is it about this month that has relationships, and everything turned around and upside down?

I'm confused, I'm shaken, I'm ready to come home to have time to just think.

Just stopped by to procrastinate

So I was "working" on my paper for communications today and this is what popped up when I tried to go to a certain site:

404- Resource Not Found

In Haiku:

The page that you seek

Cannot be located, but

Countless more exist.

Strangest response I've received for a non-locatable page so far on the web...

Common, Simple, Beautiful Ways

Hello,

I've been back in New York for about a week now, and no sooner have I come back than I want to go home, but I am keeping myself busy.  I don't have much time to blog because I have to prepare for finals (even though they are two weeks away), so I am just going to leave you with this youtube video I found.  This girl is really good...

I can't wait to go back to all of the common simple beautiful ways...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eg3179KR4U

(for some reason this link won't work, so just type in "Common, Simple, Beautiful" Original by Jennifer Chung).

Strange Happenings

Today my boyfriend texted me...

"I sat down in a seat for my math exam and on the desk someone wrote "love the life you live, live the life you love." - Bob Marley.

John is always with us.

Good Evening, and Goodnight

Today was a very long and wonderful day.

I woke up this morning, and went to breakfast, only to find out that the power had gone out in our Student Center, where our cafeteria is, in Champagnat (one of the freshman dorms), in Marion (another dorm), in Gartland (upperclassman housing), and in the library.  Strange.

Classes were tough, but I got through them.  I completed tedious homework, so now hopefully I can focus on the main issues at hand: my two research papers.  

And then after my last class I got the most loveliest of surprises.  Housing called me down and said I had a package that I needed to pick up before 5.  A package, sent to housing? I went down, with great curiosity, and found to my surprise I had been sent flowers!  My boyfriend, Kory, sent me the most beautiful autumn colored bouquet.  In the anticipation of going home, and with the crap load of homework I am piled under, I needed this now more than ever.  It was the sweetest 5th month anniversary surprise I have ever received.  I love him! : )

I tackled the rest of my homework with a lighter heart, and went to dance rehearsal at 9.  I did not get back until 12:34.  3 and a half hours of waiting around, and maybe 10 minutes of actually dancing.  There is nothing quiet like sitting around for several hours to make someone so exhausted.  

This day could have been viewed as one strange and terrible day, with hard classes, a pop essay, lack of power in certain buildings, the bitter cold, and a long dance rehearsal...but instead that pretty bouquet of autumn flowers sitting on my microwave, and all of the love wrapped up in that one simple act, has turned everything around.  I can't help but smile.

So far...

So, no real insightful messages or ponderings for this week, just a simple update on what's happening in my life:

Today is a rainy, cold day that chills you to the bone.  I am done classes for the day and just want to curl up in bed and watch a movie or something, maybe read a book, but I know I can't.  Next weeks busy schedule looms over my head urging me to push forward with work that I know is due next week.  

So next week is the big dance rehearsal week at Marist for our dance clubs performance.  My schedule will leave no time for socializing.  The madness and mayhem begins this sunday.  I have to take a bus to the local FDR high school and be there at 11 am for the Lighting and Staging Rehearsal.  I have a break Monday.  Tuesday there is rehearsal at the McCann center (right behind my dorm) at 9 pm.  Rehearsal at 9 pm again on Wednesday, and Thursday.  Then Friday I have to catch another bus at 4 or 4:45 (either way this means I have to get out of class early) to the FDR again for Dress Rehearsal at 5 pm.  Saturday is the first show.  We have to leave on the bus at 2:30 and be backstage by 4 pm.  I also have to remember that during intermission I am selling raffle tickets.  Sunday is the last show.  We have to leave on the bus at 11:30 and be backstage by 1 pm.  So it's going to be a week long of rehearsal after rehearsal, late night after late night, and hour after hour of waiting in boredom, did I mention I am the second to last act.  Yea, long wait to get through 470 dancers in their various performances.  On top of dance mayhem, I also have a research paper to write, not to mention all of the other homework my crazy professors will concoct, and I have to make sure I am all packed to go home by Sunday.  

Break couldn't come soon enough.  I am starting to run low on enthusiasm, optimism, tissues, water bottles, energy, breakfast items, and motivation.  I have developed a serious case of Collegitis, but the good news is that I have found the cure, a few doses of whoop ass (me whooping my own ass that is), and self-motivational talks.  It was much worse last week. I think I am on the road to recovery, although I might go through a relapse when I come back from vacation, so I think I'll have to up my dosage of self-prescribed remedies.   

Besides the looming week of pure dance craziness, I have been preocuppying my hours of procrastination with a few things:

The first thing is repetitively listening to the songs "Be Be Your Love" by Rachael Yamagata, check out this video on youtube, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i35RTgP1GCo (its the best live version I've found so far), "Sideways" by Citizen Cope, and "Question" by Old 97's.

Secondly, catching up on Pushing Daises.

And the third form of amusement I've found is "fail blog,"  which is really funny and quite amusing.  If you ever have spare time I suggest you go to google and type in fail blog, or just go to http://failblog.org.  If you ever feel like an epic failure this page is sure to make you feel much better about yourself.  

Hmmm...let's see, further happenings in my life...

Oh, well I now know the true meaning of the phrase "broke like a college student."  Well, it's not so much that I am completely broke, but I do not have bag loads of money either, so I've been trying to stretch my supplies to the best of my ability without having to walk all the way to rite aid, or pay one dollar for the bus to go to the grocery store.  

For awhile now I have been without breakfast foods, I do have a box of cereal but no milk, so I have A. not been eating anything for breakfast, B. getting my own butt up and going to get breakfast in the cafeteria in the mornings, C. trying to sleep later so by the time I wake up I either have to go to class, or it is time for lunch, or D. taking bananas from the cafeteria for breakfast (one of my friends had a mug full of milk that she carried from the cafeteria back to her refrigerator in her room, which I thought very clever.  Hey, if you can get it for "free" than why go buy a carton?  I might have to try that one of these days.) Then, recently I began to run out of tissues.  Now I need to include the fact that I have had a cold all week, and am now just getting over it.  I went through all of my tissue boxes by the beginning of November, and asked my friend to pick me up a box when she went to the store, instead she said she had way to many and gave me one.  I reluctantly agreed.  But now I am almost done with that one as well, in less than a week.  So (yea this might gross you out) I've been reusing the ones I have not fully used up before, or going to the bathroom and using toilet paper.  Hey, don't judge, funds are limited, and I'm just trying to get by one more week until I go home.  I also have half a case, or less of water bottles left. I'm trying to ration them out, because they too have to last me through next week, especially with all of those rehearsals.  You can call me stingy, but hey what can I say, I'm in college now.

On a completely different matter, we just began to read The History Boys by Alan Bennett in my college writing II class.  It is quite an amusing play thus far.  We only covered Act I in class today, but so far there is plenty of witty banter and scandal, and a dash of the disturbed.  I think it promises to be a very good read, so if you are ever bored, go read it!  It won a Tony Award for crying out loud.  Although I must say qualifications for reading it are that you have to be able to read french (the whole play isn't in french but parts are), and you can't be a complete prude, there is definitely some suggestive material in this play.  But you can't create a brilliant masterpiece without crossing the line a little.

Well that is all for now...I should start writing my research paper...humph!

I miss you all, and I can't wait to see you all at Thanksgiving!

"If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad." - Lord Byron

I'm still learning to be comfortable with who I am right now...and finding who I want to be...

It's about 1:32 on a friday morning.  I have the room all to myself for the first time ever, and I'm lying in my bed, alone, watching The Notebook.  So naturally I've had some time to think...about love, life and the pursuit of happiness. No only kidding, more like-- confusion, love, life, and the pursuit of myself...?

Tonight I saw the movie The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, and oddly enough, this strangely simple little movie got me to thinking-- Who am I? What do I want in life?  Each friend in the movie reminded me of qualities I've always wished to possess, of things I had always hoped to gain by maturing, going to college, experiencing life outside of my comfort zone-- That cool, unique style and confident swagger of a New York City student, that experienced maturity, and eclectic cultured mystery of a well traveled person, that deep rooted sense of self...

Tonight (dare I let the cat out of the bag) I realized, I don't know what I want.  I no longer have a clear vision of where my life is headed...only scattered remnants of crazy dreams, and childhood passions...

Life hardly goes as planned.  If my life had gone as I had planned back in freshman year of high school I'd still be going out with Mr. J, and be engaged at the ripe old age of 22.  I'd be somehow magically well off (I never planned well enough in detail to tell you where this money would be coming from), we'd have a decent sized house, my dream wedding, catered to my every whim, and at last I'd finally have my storybook, Cory and Tapanga, high school sweethearts, once in a lifetime romance.  But as I said life hardly goes as planned, people change, sometimes for the better.  In this case, it was for the better...

But now I have a much different life, a new love, a new place of dwelling, new goals, new concerns, and new obstacles to face...

But even though I may lose sight of my dreams, I know deep down those are the things that have not changed.

While I was watching the movie, the New York City scenes still sent thrills through my veins. There is something about that place, something in the hustle and bustle that makes me feel like I could be important, like by just simply being there, I'd magically mature and complete my journey to independence.  In the movie, one girl spent her summer in Turkey on an archeological dig, and once again I felt the twang of needing to have those educational, cultural, life-altering experiences, where you are thrust into an entirely new way of life, where you are forced to broaden your horizons, to step outside of your comfort zone, where you are a part of something bigger than yourself...you are forced to grow. The scenes in the movie in Greece seized my heart as well, and ignited the once dormant spark...I want to travel to Greece, I want to get married in Greece, heck I could even live in Greece (or at least half live there).  

I want to experience those once in a lifetime moments, to give myself those opportunities to find myself...

Right now, as I mentioned earlier, I am watching The Notebook, and I just realized how symbolic The Sisterhood and The Notebook are of my life.  They are two aspects that I want in my life...two very important things I need in my life...and I'm not willing to give up either...But I'm scared that one day I'll have to choose between the two...

Love or Life...I want those life experiences, and I want to experience them with the one I love...I don't want to have to choose...but I feel like I'm having to choose already...but what is the good of growing in those "life experiences" when you are bitter inside, alone, without the one you love.

I do not know what I want.  I do not know where I will be in a year from now, or five, or ten years from now.  But I do know what is important to me.

I will experience those spontaneous moments of being alive.  I will experience culture and the world.  I will know love and be loved.  I will live life with the one I love.

But for now, I will give a "remarkably convincing portrayal of a...girl traveling down a very long road, with no regard for the consequences." 

-The Notebook

I don't ever want to stop being that girl with the crazy dreams, that tenacious, passionate, driven, self-assured, confident girl, who just simply knows that her life will work out just because she said so...

P.S. I started a Greece fund.  So far there is only $8.36 in it...but I will get there.

Our future...

Obama won last night!  He is president, and whether you voted for him or not, we all must take a moment to reflect that we just witnessed a monumental moment in history.  

*time to absorb*

Do you grasp that?  Good, okay.  

Now I am not the most educated person on politics, not even close.  Although, I must pat myself on the back, this was the closest I have ever followed any election, and the most informed I have ever been.  I did not, and do not know all of the intricacies about Obama's political agendas or policies, but I do know enough that, deep down, I feel hope and promise in the outcome.  

I know many people are still maintaining the same disappointment, expressing the same sentiments they have for every election, that their vote was just "the lesser of two evils, neither was a very good candidate".  They only voted because it was expected of them, or they did not vote.  But this time, I have to beg to disagree.  Regardless of my lack of in depth knowledge, I must say that I feel this time was different.  This time is different. 

On election day, I must say something shocked me, and dare I say, down right disturbed me. The majority of people I ran into that day were for McCain.  My generation??  I couldn't fathom this.  After we have first hand, witnessed how much destruction Bush has been able to do in his eight year reign of idiocy and terror, my generation, the new voices of America, were pro McCain?  They were seriously willing to elect another Bush?  (side note: I do not say this simply because he is republican.  Give me another Abraham Lincoln and I will gladly vote for him.  I refer to McCain as the third coming of Bush because in my limited knowledge of the two campaigns, I have reasonable knowledge to believe that McCain and Palin had taken a page out of President Bush's book.)  Needless to say terror ran through my veins, uncertainty filled my mind.  Could this election go in a direction I did not count on?  

I found solace in the few friends of mine that were democratic, and we banded together in a little dorm room, which we referred to as the "Democratic room." (because almost quite literally, or at least in our minds, we were the only Democrats in the dorm)  There we sat, through the five hour long process, and found comfort in seeing that over half of America had not completely lost their minds.  Needless to say you all know the results:  We, for once, did not repeat the past.  

My fellow Obama supporters and I did a victory lap outside, watched his speech, and went to bed.  

I will never forget the place or date or people I was with, on the day Obama was elected president, the day that will be marked down in the history books.  I do not take for granted what yesterday meant.  One day when my grandchild comes to me and says "Grandma, we're learning about President Obama in history class.  Did you know he was the first African American man ever elected President?"  I will reply, "Yes, I was there." And when she asks me "who did you vote for?"  I can confidently answer her, "I made a vote for change.  I made the choice that made a difference."

It still blows my mind today how far America has come.  I have sat through history classes, I have learned of the past.  Who would have ever guessed that this moment would have ever come.  So much change.  This is not just a matter of race, although I believe this is a huge step towards humanity for America, who started as a slave nation, yet evolved into a country with the first ever African American President.  This fact is not to go unnoticed.  But also what change!  We, for once did not fall into the same old rut.  We have just now altered our recent history, which details America's fall from grace.  America can now reshape and rebuild our identity.  No longer will we shame our forefathers, no longer will we shame ourselves.  

Yes it will take sometime, as Obama said in his speech last night: "It may not be able to be done in a year, or in one term."  But the point is, he will lay the foundation for the long awaited rehabilitation of the United States of America.  He is headed in a new direction.  I have hope.

Hello!

Welcome family, friends, and randoms to my first ever blog!

I was inspired by my sister Molly's blog and thought I should start one myself.  Since I am away at college, I figured this was a good time to start one, and a good way for you and myself to keep in touch with my life.  I can promise you that I will write on here as often as my college homework will allow.  I do hope to update it at least once a week, if not everyday. 

My first food for thought is a quote from the movie Adaptation a movie my College writing II class is watching, based on a book we are reading, The Orchid Thief  by Susan Orlean.

  

"Point is, what's so wonderful is that everyone of these flowers has a specific relationship with the insect that pollinates it.  There is a certain orchid that looks exactly like a certain insect, so the insect is drawn to this flower, its double, its soul mate, and wants nothing more than to make love to it. And after the insect flies off, spots another soul-mate flower and makes love to it, thus pollinating it.  And neither the flower, nor the insect will ever understand the significance of their love making.  I mean, how could they know that because of their little dance the world lives?  But it does.  By simply doing what they're designed to do, something large and magnificent happens.  In this sense they show us how to live- how the only barometer you have is your heart.  How, when you spot your flower, you can't let anything get in your way."

I had one of those moments, where the words just went from something so simple, to something much larger, much more profound.  This line in the movie stopped my breath, I was taken aback.  Who could have ever said it better.  

Follow your heart, in every aspect.  Live the life you love.  And when you find your passion, your obsession, whatever it may be, when you find that one thing that consumes your thoughts, that one thing that controls your breathing, your beating heart,  and alters your life completely making you forget what your days and nights used to be like, keep it.  

You cannot let life get in the way of your life. 

God, could this running theme in my life become even more obvious?  I have to live my life for me, surround myself with everything I love, and let no obstacles, inhibitions, preconceived notions, or other's plans for me stand in my way. 

"The only barometer you have is your heart."

In some cases, your mind just does not suffice.