"You never stop growing and advancing because you won't let yourself"...Nope I won't, and I hope that's enough.

Tonight the words won't come from me, but none the less they were exactly what I needed to hear, what anyone would need to hear. (and a little soundtrack to go along: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLNyVLbqdEg&NR=1)

"You are completely capable. Of all the people I have known, you are still the one that never stops amazing me. You never stop growing and advancing because you wont let yourself. I know you can do anything you put your mind to because I know you better than most people. I’ve seen your determination and passion for things you want to accomplish. You have so many qualities that so few people actually possess these days. I am so confident in your ability to accomplish anything your heart desires, but that doesn’t change anything. As confident as I am in you, you're the one who needs the confidence in your self. You’re more capable of achieving great things and you have such a selfless, full commitment of self, to anything that attracts your heart. I see that in how passionate you are about IC, passion for your friends and family, your work and activities, and even our relationship. You never stop giving yourself and pushing to make the things and people around you better. And no matter how much I say about how wonderful and perfect you are, I know that everything comes down to that self-confidence. You have all the tools and the spirit to do great things but I feel like sometimes you don’t think they are enough. Honestly, a lot of times I am more confident in you than in myself. I wish I could be as capable and selfless as you. And when I think about where you might be in ten years, I cant come up with a single, solid idea of what you will be doing. Not because you can't go where you want to go, but because there are so many possibilities for a person like you. Time and patience is all you need for now because you have everything else you need, and don’t lose sleep over these things. You’ll need all the rest you can get when you're taking on the world, babe."

Thank you Kory. I needed that : )  Now I can sleep.

My last post as freshman at Marist

So this is my last blog as a freshman.  I'm packing to go home.  I remember nine months ago I never thought this day would come.  I never thought I'd be coming back next year, I had no clue where I was going.  I never knew I'd grow so much.  I can't wait to go home for summer, and spend time with my family, but I am going to miss Sheahan hall, rooming with Chanel, seeing my crazy neighbors and friends just down the hall, and everything about this campus.  I can't wait for my next three years here, I can't wait to see how else I grow.  It's safe to say I have two homes now, and who would have ever known I could make one on my own.

In the words of The Colorful Quiet, "I was never sure in the way my life would go, like many times before it was all that I would know.  I can't really tell you. What would happen if I tried? To admit to myself that a part of me has died."

but a necessary part.

And me, I think I'm getting there.

Jump First. Fear Later.

All year, I have been stressing over where my life is going to take me.  I worried about what would make me happiest.  I worried about life, and the fear of living one away from the life I had always known.  But I no longer am worrying, because my life is no longer about me.  

I have changed so much this year.  I remember talking to my sister at the beginning of this year, and she told me, "Elora, you will change.  And so will your friends." I laughed and said I was not going to change.  I was wrong.  

At the beginning of this year, I felt like going to Marist was the worst thing that had ever happened to me, and all I wanted was to go back to the life I used to have.  But now I can't help but ask myself, how could I ever go back, when my life is moving in the direction it was always meant to.  

So as you may have deduced by now, I have decided to stay.  My long, tiresome, lonely journey through the shadows and valleys of my heart is finally over.  And I feel so relieved.  

Today I finally finished my last speech in my class, so I decided to put on a little TV and relax.  I flipped around and found E! news.  I used to watch this religiously, but for some reason today I couldn't bear it.  I was just about to flip the channel when I heard that they were having a story on the Rescue.  (In case you have not been reading my previous blogs, or don't know me, the Rescue is Invisible Children's event to rescue the 3,000 abducted child soldiers in Northern Uganda, by asking people to gather in cities all over the world and abduct themselves in solidarity to rescue the children.)  I waited in painful agony as stories about "Were the Jonas brothers single? Did Lauren Conrad really make out with a dog? Is Anne Hathaway going to be on dancing with the stars?" filtered across the screen.  Finally the segment on IC came on.  

I can't believe I used to watch this show.  How can anyone really care about that crap!  The world is run by celebrity.  We live, breathe, and hang on their every move and word.  It is driving me crazy! I can't believe I used to care.

This year I've pitied myself.  I've felt so unhappy for so long, but maybe that was just because I cared and worried about all the wrong things.  It was not until recently, when Invisible Children came back into my life, that I stopped concerning myself with myself, and realized what makes me feel fulfilled, and happiest, and what I care about.  

So I am going to stay.  I have great opportunities on the horizon for me here, and I cannot wait to see where everything takes me.  I will no longer worry. I will jump first, and fear later.

Oh, and Chicago was finally rescued by Oprah today.  Watch her show at 4.