I look at the girl who was happy enough before meeting Rob, then I look at the girl who thought she was on her way to the life she had always wanted after meeting Rob. I am neither of them now. I wonder, looking at the me who never knew Rob, and think how simple life was, maybe I can just convince myself that I just have to be that girl again. But I can't be that girl again, because I am the girl who knew Rob, and was inspired, and complete with my best friend by my side.
Now I'm at Marist, alone, missing the link that made everything feel alright.
If we are supposed to control our own realities than how did I do this, how did I mess my reality up so bad. I envisioned a life with him at Marist. Not without him. But instead I was given this. How did I get here? How do I get out? Where do I go? Why did he go? What the hell am I supposed to do now...
1 comment:
All I can say is there must be a lesson here. I've never lost someone close to me (touch wood!!!) but I think I'm beginning to understand a little about what Rob means to you... only through exrapolation of the little bits I hear filter through what is left unsaid. Perhaps I'm wrong in my conclusions, but I don't think it matters, really. What matters most is that you sit on that wall and be with Rob and become right with yourself and the world. Rob has been a gift to you. We never like to see those gifts end in what we think of as a premature fashion, but I'd like to think that Rob is with you in a way he couldn't be with you in this world, and will continue to be forever. Find a way to listen to him in your heart, and let him continue to be a guide. You are exactly where you should be and if you hadn't been there you wouldn't have met him.
I love you.
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